Hi guys! :D I know I know it's been a while since my last post like…4 months lol I'm such a baddie. :p Anyway this is probably the only time I've ever felt this inspired this summer so let's savor the moment shall we? :]]
So what I've been up to. That's a lot. I've been busy trying to stay in my course because now I'm on probation due to low grades but it's all good with my 3.17 QPI :D. This summer has also been pretty hectic what with 4 1/2 hours of class everyday and all, not to mention the IDK how many birthdays my block organized :]]. Everyone seems to be turning 18 this year, which makes them old haha :]] and me oldER =_=
But all these are besides the point, I type right now because of this thought that has been running though my mind and that thought is a seemingly simple thing: the act of giving. By giving, I'm not limiting it to presents, money, food, etc. I speak also about love, effort, time, and the like. I've been thinking about the reasons why people give in the first place. Is it because they want to seem like a decent member of society? Is it because they were taught that way by their parents? Is it because they are after a reward through our ideology of utang na loob? Is it because we were told that we would suffer an eternity in a fiery abyss or a similar fate by our faith? (hehe see what I did thur?) What is it that drives some people to do what they do? To give what they have for the benefit of the other. What makes a teacher get up each morning to teach his/her students? What drove heroes to do feats that could have ended them at the prime of their lives? Was it the glory? Was it necessity? I don't think so, though sometimes at the back of my mind I think otherwise.
When I was younger I used to do good deeds only because other people could see how good I was and build up a good reputation. I did it to please everyone with the thought that maybe they would do the same for me during times I would struggle and needed help. In a way, I was what you could say "user friendly". However, along the lines of my childhood to my adulthood, I met simple people with extraordinary hearts driven by a passion to serve others. I heard stories of people who devoted their lives in order to better those that were devastated either by fate or the cruelty of others. I guess I was influenced by those and the people around me who didn't teach but showed me what it means to give for nothing. To give because we want to. Not because we were called to do it, not because other people were watching, not because we carry the name of a prestigious school, not because society calls upon us to be that way. They showed me true generosity and with that generosity, they showed how it is to truly love.
You might be asking: why so serious? To be honest, a lot of things have happened this past year and the only thing I can remember that helped me get through everything was the time, love and understanding the people around me gave. At times when my self esteem was reaching the negatives, they would always push it right back up. They would always be willing to give time to listen to my rantings.
This brings me back to the question of why they would do this for me. Obligation? Sympathy? I don't think so.
The only explanation I can really think of is the thought of love. Not the kind with all that science-y stuff with endorphins and what other chemicals are released due to some random neurotransmitters. I'm talking about that mysterious force within people that drives them to offer a part of their being to heal another.
To sacrifice.
You may call it your conscience or whatever you like but it is this mysterious force that drives me to reflect on what I do for other people because right now I am at a point of confusion.
I don't know if I give to people because I TRULY want to
or because I feel that they can help me in the future.
All I know is that I do so because that is what my heart tells me and I ask God everyday that I may grow to understand what really is this fire in my soul prodding me to do what some people would set out to call foolish or weird things. All I can do is sing this song in my head. :)
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